I have a lot to be thankful for today.

I literally feel like I have no outlet.

I feel like I don’t even have a safe place to speak freely anymore.

I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve lost myself.

Sometimes I want to scream at people

And by sometimes I mean all the time.

People, clients more specifically, don’t truly understand all the pain and shit that hairdressers go through.

Feet. Neck. Back. Knees. Legs. Arms. Shoulders.

You name it, we feel it.

Not to mention that because of what we do, even when done safely, our risks for having miscarriages and other allergies or illnesses are heightened at the expense of beauty.

Sure I chose this, but damn if I don’t want people to have a little more compassion when it comes to “I need a break” or I need to fucking take care of my body.

Just a rant for today. Carry on.

I feel under appreciated and overworked.

Hi

Haven’t posted anything of substance in a while.

I’m writing as a reassurance to myself that I’m still me.

At times I feel like I’ve lost myself in my job or in the daily tasks of my life.

Getting up.

Getting ready.

Taking the dog out.

Rushing out the door.

Getting a coffee for work.

Going to work.

Finally leaving work late as usual and having to go the store for (fucking anything rly) shit.

Being cranky when I get home.

Taking a shower.

Going to bed.

Repeat.

I’m trying to appreciate things more like I used to.

The beauty in a sunset driving home.

The smell of Alan as he walks through the door.

The way my pup yawns is literally so cute and sometimes I forget to look at him long enough to watch that…

I’m trying to find me again.

I’m a little hard on the outside now.

Not as soft or caring.

I don’t like that about myself. But I’m me. I’m working on it. And I have to be okay with the fact that this is enough for now. My effort to change.

I’ll get there soon.